Holy shit. I don’t know even know where to begin.How can people even respect this train wreck of a movie?!Let me preface this by saying: I was a huge fan of the first and second movies. How to Train your Dragon surprised me and is one of my favorite animated films of this decade. It’s something that can rank up there with greats like Wall-E. In my eyes, it’s that good.The second movie continued that story of the first one in a logical and awesome way, growing both Hiccup and Toothless and developing them in good ways, and building the world into an even more fantastical realm following the theme of humans living with dragons in harmony. It was How to Train Your Dragon, but bigger, and much grander in scale. It was the perfect sequel.Then you have this piece of turd that is the third movie.I don’t know who wrote the script for this movie (ok, I lie, I actually know who wrote it), but it felt like the person who wrote this movie didn’t watch the first movie. It spits in the face of everything the first movie stood for and just does a bunch of random, haphazard small scale popcorn scenes that don’t tie together in a meaningful way.First, let’s start with the main conflict. The Hidden World opens with Hiccup and the vikings of Berk raiding dragon hunter ships who are rounding up the wild dragons in the world to use in their own armies. Hey, if you’re the only nation in the world with weapons of mass destruction, it’s a good idea to keep a monopoly and prevent everyone else from arming up, right? Sounds good to me.But apparently there’s a Super Hunter out there who is so amazing he can easily defeat an entire village full of dragons without even trying, and he spooks Hiccup so bad that Hiccup feels his only recourse is to run away from his ancestral home and hide everyone and his army of dragons in a mythical place known as the “Hidden World.”We get a flashback of Hiccup and Stoic, where Stoic tells Hiccup that he just wants to protect Dragons from humans by sending them to a mythical place known as The Hidden World. This is incredible revisionist history, must be Hiccup’s addled brain, because Stoic was a fierce dragon slayer who had no qualms killing dragons and even wanted to commit genocide on a dragon nest. Big change, huh? It's just one symptom of the severe retcon problem this movie has.As Hiccup has to worry about escaping to the Hidden World, he has to deal with his dragon who’s going into heat looking for his lady love — a female Fury in the hands of Mr. Super Hunter who actually hunted them all down to extinction (except of course for this one that magically shows up out of nowhere for him to use against Hiccup. Oh how convenient.)The problem is, Grimmel the Super Hunter is never established as a dangerous threat. He has two drugged up Dragon junkie slaves and… that’s it. How is he even a threat to Berk and its literal army of dragons?There is no sense whatsoever for Hiccup to turn tail and run, but that’s exactly what he does. You might say that he left Berk to find a larger home where his overcrowding dragon and human population can live more freely, but that is absolutely not the reason why he made this decision. He was just spooked and turned tail and ran like a lily-livered coward. It makes absolutely no sense.Anyway, they fly off to run away from Grimmel, but as they settle down to make camp they find out they are being pursued. So what’s Hiccup’s mighty plan? “Hey guys, I know I asked all of you to abandon our ancestral home because I’m scared of Grimmel, but now he’s hot on our tail. So I will go out in very small numbers to personally kill him, instead of fighting with everyone and our army of dragons, because it’s too dangerous to risk everyone! I will go alone, it’ll definitely be a much higher percentage success to do this mission by myself and my useless young friends who can’t even fight without their dragons.”Yes Hiccup, great plan.And so nonsense after nonsense occurs in this dumb script of a movie, which includes an underground cavern under the ocean which somehow doesn’t fill up and get submerged in water, even though it has a direct waterfall from the ocean falling into it like so.And in the end, when Toothless has been subdued and all the dragons captured by Grimmel, what is Hiccup’s plan?After less than a minute of sulking (55 seconds to be exact), Astrid gives Hiccup the most weak,uninspiring and unconvincing pep talk I’ve heard in years, and Hiccup gains his mojo back, and comes up with the amazing plan to….Attack Grimmel and his entire army with nobody but himself and his six friends, and this time without their dragons!And the even dumber thing is, he wins, with no special plan, no special preparation, just a gung ho “Jump in and hope for the best!” suicide approach.There’s a limit to how dumb the script can be, but this movie breached it over and over and came up with senseless plot progression after senseless plot progression. The worst thing is, none of it builds up or is connected thematically with anyone.Why is Astrid able to pep talk Hiccup? No real reason. He just likes hearing her voice. Why is Hiccup afraid of Grimmel? No reason, he just lost to him despite literally having an army of dragons at his beck and call. Why is Hiccup now able to beat Grimmel? Nothing no reason, despite not having an army of dragons at his beck and call. It just happens. With no rhyme or reason.And when the dust settles and they beat the stuffing out of Grimmel and the warlords — something they easily could have done at the start of the movie instead of running away — what do they do?Back to the conflict. “Oh no, this world is a dangerous place for dragons! Buddy, we don’t deserve you. Go and live in The Hidden World away from us evil humans, where you can have children in peace!”At this point in the movie I am just rolling my eyes in disgust. What the hell is wrong with the idiot who wrote this? Not only has it been established that there is no threat to the dragons here as you literally have the strongest fighting force in the world, you just crushed the only threat that was even remotely capable of threatening you and your way of life in Human and Dragon Utopia.Worse, now you are sending away all your dragons, meaning you are effectively disarming yourselves. But guess what? Not every dragon is part of Toothless’ tribe. There are tons of wild dragons out there — these are the same dragons the Warlords were capturing to turn into their dragon armies, remember? Let’s not even talk about Drago and his bewilderbeast, who are still out there somewhere plotting revenge. And now you’ve just given up your only means of stopping everyone else from raising a dragon army.And the ugliest part of all this nonsense, what was the point of How to Train your Dragon again? That’s right: it’s to find a way for dragons and humans to live in harmony. But in this movie, for no good reason, the writer is just saying, “humans will kill dragons, we can’t coexist. So we send you away for your own good.” Only the premise isn’t true since their village is stronger and can beat all dragon hunters and sending them away does nothing because there are still other dragons out there in the wild not beholden to Toothless. So yes, let’s just spit on the theme that the first two movies established in finding a way for humans and dragons to live in harmony, and just get rid of the dragons altogether!But wait, there’s more!Not only did they do such a stupid thing, they decide to later cheapen it, by having Hiccup and Astrid and their kids travel to the Hidden World anyway and play with Toothless.So, uh, why did you send the dragons away again, if you’re just going to come over to visit and play with them anyway?So the Village of Berk is “keeping knowledge of dragons secret” until the day that humans are ready to live in harmony with dragons. So… why did you not just keep all the dragons in your new secret village again? Or go with them to the Hidden World if you’re just going to do that? Heck why didn’t you just go to the secret island where Hiccup’s mom was hiding out all those years, that place was huge and has more than enough space for Berk and all their dragons.I'm sorry, this kind of cop out just cheapens the entire (unnecessary) sacrifice they made and is basically “playing both sides.” They want to make bittersweet ending, but they also want a happy ending (kids movie right?). Sorry, but you can't have your cake and eat it, too.I just watch this movie and I shake my head. How the hell did the guy who did such a great job on the first two movies end up writing such nonsensical bullshit like this? It boggles my mind. It feels like such a sloppy way to end the story of Berk and its dragons.And oh! I saved the best part for last.For some reason, Valka seems to have fried her brain, because she is actually giving Snotlout the time of day. I mean. No. Just no. Especially considering Snotlout was nothing but a useless coward who was absolutely useless the entire movie and gave absolutely no reason for Valka to respect him, much less have a love relationship with him, in any way, shape or form.That… is pretty much what this movie is. A Snotlout, not deserving of anybody’s respect or admiration.